Nameless Hour

Isolation is a hell of a thing 

Silence is a hell of a thing

I got opinions you don’t want to hear 

Because you couldn’t handle it

My heart flutters

Feel the pit in my stomach 

My mind is scarier than any place you’ve ever been

I give a new meaning to

Fuck around and find out 

I reaccessed who I knew

Redefined my definition of the word friend 

The word family 

And now I’ve got friendly acquaintances

Low expectations

Blood and water are interchangeable 

I’ve gone ahead and lost my shit 

I’ll show you unhinged 

You don’t want to know what that looks like 

I’ll burn the whole town 

Then I’ll burn the fucking bridge

I give new meaning to aloneness 

I can play pretend 

When I look you in the eyes and tell you

It’s all good

I can fake it til I make it 

When I’m out here smiling 

But I’m really deep in my mind

Working through what it’s like to feel guilty 

Working through some fucked up shit

Constantly∞

Getting diagnosed with MS at 19 and never being able to process it

I stick a needle under my own skin every day and then just try not to think about it

Impossible 

Working through it∞

Invisible symptoms 

Meeting shitty people 

I can’t relate to most of them  

I’m not interested in what this could be

Because I already know what it leads to

Lost my job because I didn’t want a vaccine 

Because I’m not a fucking lab rat

I’ve been depressed since age four and anxious since probably the same 

My first cognitive memories of death happened before I took my first step 

And now I’ve changed my view on what life means

And if I only get one and then it’s pointless in the end 

I’m not working for someone with the rest of the time I’ve got left

I’ve got unconventional perspectives

But I’m not fucking living for you

So it’s none of your fucking business 

So now we live at my parents and suffer while I try and figure out how to match Jon’s income 

So we can get out of this 

When people say I’m negative 

They’ve only scratched the surface 

When you look into me

Am I good at hiding how truly dark it is

I feel the sickness rapidly worsening 

Feel like I could die at any second 

Snap at any second

But they’re just coming from all angles 

Constantly

Fucking 

Testing 

Me

You don’t know what strong means 

Until you’ve lived through chronic stress 

I’m the last person I know who can keep a secret 

You don’t know shit about loyalty compared to me

You want me on your side

Because I will slowly eat pieces of your soul out if you cross me

Trust is earned

Don’t break it once you’ve got it 

You might meet someone like me

And it’ll never be the same again once you’ve lost it